Saturday, May 16, 2015

They Are All Our "Own" Children

God has graciously blessed our family with five beautiful children - the "Fab Five," as we like to call them. All of our children joined us through the blessing of adoption. Although each child has his or her own unique story prior to arriving in our family, from then on the common bond of adoption has knit our children's hearts together as brothers and sisters.

A few years ago, it first dawned on one of our children that some families had both biological and adopted children. Afterwards that child would often voice concern that a biological child might join our family some day and upset the balance, lording his or her biological status over the rest. My heartfelt reassurance to this child was the prayer I have prayed for several years regarding this very possibility. Sometimes our family felt entirely complete; other times I thought another baby might be nice. Yet always I prayed: "Your will be done, Lord ... but if it will hurt my children, please don't ever let me become pregnant."

Yesterday we made this announcement on Facebook:

This news was as much a surprise to us (after seventeen years of infertility) as anyone! Early on, we shared with our older children and specifically comforted the worried one with the truth of God's character. He answers prayer, and if He chose to send a sibling by biological means then it is for the good of our "Fab Five" and not to hurt them. It has been beautiful to watch concern for self turn to concern for Mommy and the newest member of our family. All the children are now very excited about the brother or sister who will be joining us in November!

I, however, felt the need to write this post because as a mom it is my privilege to protect my children's hearts. I so desire for this to be a precious time for them, and not painful. Yet I am aware that there are certain statements that surface in situations like ours which could easily wound them. Might I gently share some thoughts for celebrating with sensitivity this adoptive/biological scenario?
1. A biological child does not mean we finally have a child of our "own." Whether physically or emotionally, we have labored and wept for each of our children to become part of our family. In some cases, that "labor" has lasted years and spanned continents. All of our children are our "own" - regardless of adoption or biology.

2. We are not finally having a "natural" child. This would imply that our other children are unnatural, which sounds a lot like weird or abnormal. We are having a biological child.

3. This will not be our only "real" baby. All of our kids are pretty real! And all of our kids will really be brothers and sisters. The law says so, their birth certificates say so, and more importantly, our hearts say so.
Perhaps there are other thoughts that could be shared, but these three comes to mind first. Please know we are truly so grateful for those who share our joy! We hope that joy can continue to be shared in such a way as to lovingly include the five fabulous children who first made us parents. Thank you for your love and understanding!


Maureen said...

I have been following your wonderful blog for several years now, and I am so very happy about this new baby - what a lucky little soul it will be, with five adoring big brothers and sisters to welcome it. I myself will be welcoming my ninth grandchild just a few months before your baby will arrive, so I will especially enjoy seeing whatever pictures you may choose to share.

Noella said...

Congratulations Pedro & Stephanie! God's ways and timing are certainly mysterious, but always perfect. Thank you for always sharing openly about your family, and specifically how to pray for your children. Praying for you and the superb six ;) Blessings, Noella

HollyMarie said...

I love love love this! Congrats Stephanie! As a mama to my fab four, all through adoption, I've often wondered the same. If God should choose to surprise us someday with a biological child, that it would only be for the good of my children and their precious hearts. I'm so excited for your family to welcome that sweet 6th. :)

Tami Parker said...

We are rejoicing with you! Such a lucky baby, to be born into a loving family with such wonderful brothers and sisters. Praying for a smooth pregnancy and healthy baby/mama!

Anonymous said...

We are so excited for your family!! One more Garcia to make some fun memories with - especially when you come back to Michigan. We will be praying for all of you through this next phase of adding another sweet little one to your family. Ruth

Sheri Wiebe said...

Surprise! Surprise! Congratulations!

Amy :) said...

Oh, what a beautiful surprise! :) Blessings on all of you as you add one more of your own to your beautiful family. That is going to be one loved on baby. :)

Amy :)
PS--I've read your posts now & then via a link on my sister Becky's blog, Blossoms & Blessings. :)

Anonymous said...

Amazing, wonderful news! And an excellent blog post, thank you for sharing all your thoughts and first feelings. xx Sally.

Ellie said...

Wow, what a surprise! How fun! Your kids will LOVE this new addition. I can just imagine the girls doting over the newborn! How wonderful! I will pray with you that God will guard their hearts from the comments that they will inevitably hear. I am still smiling... God is a God of surprises! Six is a wonderful number. Ok, I have to admit, I'm on the side of the girls here and hoping that Sweet Six balances out your girl/boy ratio. (Besides baby girl clothes are adorable!)