Thursday, April 24, 2014

A Day for Adoption Discussions

It's challenging to parent five children with five different adoption realities. Often days, weeks, months will go by without any major questions being raised and then suddenly, out of the blue the discussions resume again. Honestly, I am grateful for these opportunities because it reassures me that our kids feel confident to ask questions and talk about their concerns. I only hope that I give them the right responses to help them embrace their unique stories with realistic expectations.

Over the years I have become a closet detective, seeking bits and pieces of my children's histories through the internet and Facebook, poring over medical records and in our Haitian sons' cases, trying feebly to understand written French. My desire is to do all that I can to compile what information is available for them, if and when the time comes that they would like to know more.

Today was a day for adoption discussions. With two of my children, we stared at pictures, opened computer files, and tried to piece together some puzzles. I answered what questions I could, and attempted encouraging words where I could not. For all the questions that were asked, I wondered about those that weren't. I am quite sure that many more thoughts run through their minds than I can ever perceive.

One child bounced back from his reflection in typical humorous fashion. (For the record, though he was obviously deeply engaged in the discussion he spent the entire time climbing chairs, touching the ceiling, doing flips between furniture, and various other acrobatic acts!) His summary response after seeing pictures and having questions answered was to add up his biological and adoptive siblings and determine cheerfully that he has quite a large family.

The other child wanted me to show what scarce information we have of hers to a sibling who has much more, a source of some envy and sadness. Sensing her wanting, yet unable to know more makes my heart ache along with hers.

Why am I writing all of this? I'm not even sure. I guess I want my children to know, if they read this someday, that I truly care. That I am so happy God made us a family, as I tell them almost each and every day. That I understand there is more to the story, and I want them to have all the chapters they need - beginning, middle and end. But most of all, I want them to know the Author of their stories. No matter what, He loves them even more than I and He is the One Who is "too wise to be mistaken, and too good to be unkind."

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