I first met Becky on an adoption support forum over five years ago. We were two of many moms in the process of adopting, some for the first time and others for the second time or more. I personally arrived at the forum having just lost the baby we thought would be our son but who was reclaimed by his mother one week after he was placed in our arms. On the forum, but especially within one group of ladies, I found comfort and encouragement from others who were walking the road beside me.
Over the years, a number of these ladies have stayed in touch with one another through the arrival of children, changes in jobs and addresses (and even continents, in our case!) I can honestly say that Becky is one of the sweetest ladies of our group and her adoption story amazes and challenges me. I am excited to share it with you. This week she and I chatted at length via Skype so I could fill in the missing details and give you, as they say, the "full scoop."
Becky was in her 30's and ready for kids even though she was still single. As she puts it, she was afraid if she didn't go ahead and adopt a child she would never have any if she waited for Mr. Right.
And so it was that in October 2003 she became certified as a foster care provider. Four months later, on February 26, 2004 she began fostering Tyler, then six years old. Ty had been with Becky for seven months when she received a call asking her to provide respite care for Cory, then nine years old.
Becky told me that when she was called about Ty she LOVED being a mom to him. Cory came unexpectedly into the picture, but she fell in love and ended up fostering him as well by the next week. As the months went by, both boys became legally free for adoption and on December 8, 2005 the boys' adoptions were finalized and Becky, Ty and Cory became a forever family.
They moved to a bigger house and about a year later Becky again felt the urge to adopt another child. She is clear on this point: she only meant to adopt ONE more child! In January 2007 she was re-certified and on February 20, 2007 she had not one, but TWO little boys placed in her care. Jay was six years old and Logan was one month shy of his third birthday. Two years later, parental rights were terminated for Jay and Logan and on October 23, 2009 they joined Becky's family permanently through adoption.
When I asked Becky what her reason were for doing foster care adoption, she replied that some were financial reasons but "mainly because I thought I could help kids who needed it ... it felt like the reason I wasn't having [biological] kids."
I asked her what advice she would give to others considering adopting through the foster care system, and this what she said:
To me, Becky is a hero. I honestly don't know how she parents four boys (click here to see how handsome they all are!) on her own. But I do know that she does a fabulous job and that she loves her sons with everything that is in her. Becky chose to take the road less traveled by adopting older children from foster care, with open eyes and an open heart. I hope that her story will encourage someone else who may be considering this option, and that perhaps someone reading this today will also stop by her blog and encourage her for her faithfulness and courage.
Becky, thank you for letting me share your story.
Over the years, a number of these ladies have stayed in touch with one another through the arrival of children, changes in jobs and addresses (and even continents, in our case!) I can honestly say that Becky is one of the sweetest ladies of our group and her adoption story amazes and challenges me. I am excited to share it with you. This week she and I chatted at length via Skype so I could fill in the missing details and give you, as they say, the "full scoop."
Becky was in her 30's and ready for kids even though she was still single. As she puts it, she was afraid if she didn't go ahead and adopt a child she would never have any if she waited for Mr. Right.
And so it was that in October 2003 she became certified as a foster care provider. Four months later, on February 26, 2004 she began fostering Tyler, then six years old. Ty had been with Becky for seven months when she received a call asking her to provide respite care for Cory, then nine years old.
Becky told me that when she was called about Ty she LOVED being a mom to him. Cory came unexpectedly into the picture, but she fell in love and ended up fostering him as well by the next week. As the months went by, both boys became legally free for adoption and on December 8, 2005 the boys' adoptions were finalized and Becky, Ty and Cory became a forever family.
They moved to a bigger house and about a year later Becky again felt the urge to adopt another child. She is clear on this point: she only meant to adopt ONE more child! In January 2007 she was re-certified and on February 20, 2007 she had not one, but TWO little boys placed in her care. Jay was six years old and Logan was one month shy of his third birthday. Two years later, parental rights were terminated for Jay and Logan and on October 23, 2009 they joined Becky's family permanently through adoption.
When I asked Becky what her reason were for doing foster care adoption, she replied that some were financial reasons but "mainly because I thought I could help kids who needed it ... it felt like the reason I wasn't having [biological] kids."
I asked her what advice she would give to others considering adopting through the foster care system, and this what she said:
Know what you are getting into and know your limits as far as behaviors you can handle. Know also that you might get more than that either by accident or intentional lying on the part of [case workers.] Don't be afraid to stand up for the kids in your care. Try to be respectful and do it right but they need you and [case workers] don't always care as much. Finally, it is NOT easy so do NOT do it if it isn't for the kids because you'll fail and only hurt them.Without going into details, Becky and I did discuss some of the issues she has faced with her boys. It has not always been easy. They have dealt with sleep issues, nightmares, rages, fallout from parental visitation during the foster care years, attachment issues, and unlearning wrong patterns of behavior instilled in their first homes.
To me, Becky is a hero. I honestly don't know how she parents four boys (click here to see how handsome they all are!) on her own. But I do know that she does a fabulous job and that she loves her sons with everything that is in her. Becky chose to take the road less traveled by adopting older children from foster care, with open eyes and an open heart. I hope that her story will encourage someone else who may be considering this option, and that perhaps someone reading this today will also stop by her blog and encourage her for her faithfulness and courage.
Becky, thank you for letting me share your story.
1 comment:
I think adoption is the most beautiful story. What a great post!
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