Adoption Update, Part Three

The topic of our third and final pre-adoptive session was “Families of Origin.” Our presenter for this session was another of SENAME’s psychologists and she described the reasons why potential birth mothers enter their adoption program; what the program offers to the potential birth mothers; and the social, family and psychological characteristics of birth mothers in their program (based on a recent study done by the agency.)

The entire focus was mainly on the mothers because their statistics show only 5% of birth fathers involved at all.

It is important to note that SENAME’s program for potential birth parents isn’t simply to push for an adoption plan. They provide psychological, social and legal support; a process of “discernment;” and help in either placing for adoption or parenting. Of the 584 women who participated in their recent study, 77% chose to parent and only 23% chose to make an adoption plan. The majority of the women (77%) were single, and most of the others were married but separated or divorced from their spouses. Very few had support either from their families or communities, and most had dysfunctional family backgrounds described as “conflictive” or “unstable” and with an absent father. Many of the women had themselves experienced abandonment and/or lack of affection.

(As a side note - this was not part of the presentation - Chile has a very high rate of what they call “femicidio” or the killing of women. Domestic abuse is a tragic reality here, and even with the rise of a woman to the presidency of the country there is still a lack of respect and proper treatment of women among much of the population.)

Following the initial presentation, we again broke into small groups for case studies and discussion. For me personally, this was an interesting time but not necessarily new information. But for the majority of the people in our group, this was the first time they had put a face to the term “madre de origen” (as birth mothers are called in Chile.) Most carried with them the idea of a birth mother as a young teen who didn’t care about her child and who chose adoption simply to be free and carry on with her life. I already knew from personal experience that this is far from the truth!

Having worked in crisis pregnancy ministry and also knowing two of my children’s birth moms, I believe only someone that truly loves her child will choose adoption – abortion is seemingly the much “easier” solution. (I say “seemingly” because post-abortion syndrome is a reality that will sooner or later tragically affect most women who make this decision.) In a country like Chile where adoption is still struggling to become accepted, choosing adoption for one’s child is even more of a personal sacrifice. As I mentioned in a previous post, relinquishing a child to be raised his/her entire life in an institution is still more socially acceptable by many than to place that same child for adoption.

It was interesting to listen in on the discussion and watch as members of the group absorbed the information and began to look at it through a new perspective. I also appreciated the compassion of the two women leading our small group – one a social worker, the other a lawyer.

The final step of this initial process was a phone call.

All 150+ of us were give the same two phone numbers to call, starting at 10 AM this morning, to schedule appointments with the same two social workers. Needless to say, it was not an easy task to get through! But eventually we did, and our personal appointment with the social worker is scheduled for Friday, December 14. Based on that appointment we will find out whether we can continue on to the psychological testing. What a process! It has been a learning and cultural experience for sure …