Lyrics filled my mind the moment my eyes opened that misty morning. A song I first heard on an adoption video expressed overwhelming love on an endless wait for a child to come home. Now my very first child was leaving, and today we would say goodbye. Lying in the early morning stillness of a room already far from home, I felt the weight of emotion that had been my blanket through the night press even more heavily on my heart.
The rhythmic breathing of my daughter was the only sound in the darkened room as I rose and quietly made my way to her bedside. As I began to pray silently over her, every mistake I had ever made in parenting her seemed to magnify and crash over me in a wave of grief. I wept as I prayed. Doubts crowded my mind. Could she handle this? Would this break her? Were we doing the right thing leaving her in an unfamiliar place alone in the midst of a worldwide health crisis such as our generation had never known?
Our time together that morning would be short. Getting dressed, getting breakfast, getting in the car and driving away knowing a full year would pass before we'd see each other again. Whereas most of her peers would be home at Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and again at spring break, this wasn't a possibility for us when home was 4,300 miles away.
It has been three months since that breathtaking farewell from Eva and from a far distance we have watched our daughter struggle and strive and surpass her own fears. Last night, technology allowed us to see her "live" with classmates in a small choir for her school's Christmas program. Video chats have been few and far between (but we hear her voice more often than my parents could when I was the MK away from home 25+ years ago.) I am grateful Eva inherited my love for pictures and I enjoy every one she sends our way.
Recently I was thrilled to hear the happiness in her voice when she returned to school from Thanksgiving break and was reunited with her friends. Of all that I expected from this year, perhaps most sweetly surprising has been that gift. Other plans have fallen through but her heart has been tenderly touched by kind acceptance from her peers who love Jesus and love her. For that, I am so thankful.
I am also thankful beyond words for the people God has placed in her life to fill our shoes in person. We would be lost without Crystal who attended parent orientation, visited first semester, took Eva on Thanksgiving break, and has counseled and comforted our daughter in our stead. This Christmas, friends from our college/seminary days will open their home and graciously welcome her in, even doing so a week earlier than planned due to the semester being cut unexpectedly short. We realize that adding another person to an already busy household during the holiday season is not a simple request, and though our hearts ache to have Eva home we are so grateful for their kindness.
In a year unlike any other, we've launched our first child with sometimes faltering faith into the great unknown of her future. What a comfort to know and trust the God Who holds our daughter and all her coming years in His loving, sovereign hands.
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