Friday, June 24, 2011

Asking for Wisdom

Lately, it is the last thought on my mind as I fall asleep. The first when I awake.

What to do? What to do?? The question beats around my brain like an imprisoned butterfly. In my heart I know God has it all figured out, but as each week slips by the anxiety tightens. I look around me, at this busy messy lovely house, and wonder whether to clean up?? or box up?? or maybe just crack up??

The facts are these:
1. We leave in seven months. 2. We cannot afford to buy this house.
Which means the questions are these:
1. Do we rent a 40-foot container and store our belongings and look for a rental when we return? 2. Do we ask permission to sub-let this home because finding a rental is so very difficult and the price we currently pay is several hundred dollars less than what we will face upon our return? 3. Do we pursue buying another house in another part of town? 4. How or when or will God provide the down payment in that case? 5. Is the one house we've seen that's do-able and comparatively affordable the "one"? 6. What about that housing development with so much potential for ministry to young families that we'd love to get into? Do we hold out for an opportunity to get into it?? 7. Is it good stewardship to purchase a home, or it is self-interest? 8. Is it wise to mention this dilemma in our prayer letters, or selfish? 9. What do people think of us? 10. What does God want for us?
At times I get so frustrated with this nagging concern. I know there are so many more important things in our life and ministry! My husband seems to easily slip this matter into one of his manly "waffle boxes" and forget about it, while in my womanly brain it just remains entangled and constantly reappears in my pile of spaghetti (if that sounds totally confusing, just check out this book!)

I'm thankful for good advice received from a friend who knows a little something about moving herself - encouragement such as:
It's a hard decision I understand that because it's a complicated equation to solve and it never becomes perfectly balanced. Nothing about moving and buying a house deserves your losing the peace and joy of being mama to your children. I have learned this the hard way many many times by failure. The feelings of anxiety are the enemy trying to bring you over to his camp. Don't go.
Also, her reminder that "a house that is good for your ministry will honor God most, and will make way to get your family comfortable in ways you could never know was possible."

Asking God for wisdom ...
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you."
James 1:5

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