Yesterday we received a call from our adoption agency. The director needed to know if we wanted our profile shown to a potential birthmother who is due within a few weeks. She wanted us to know that there was legal risk involved, as the potential birthfather was not in agreement with the adoption plan. We had no choice but to decline, as we do not have the time or resources to face such a situation at this point. Thankfully, we both felt very much at peace with saying no.
As a result, today our adoption journey has been at the forefront of my mind - all the “what ifs” and wondering about how it will all turn out. But I have also been remembering.
I was thinking today about the feelings I had when I met each of our children. Of course, with all of them the overwhelming emotions were those of joy and thankfulness! But there were other strong emotions as well. With Eva, I remember "giddiness" from the sheer surprise and delight of overnight induction into first-time parenthood ... with Isabel, I remember feeling special "tenderness" because of her unexpected medical concerns and the extra love and care she needed ... and with Owen, I distinctly remember a feeling of "recognition."
I remember holding Owen for the first time and having tears well up in my eyes because suddenly it was like, "This is it ... he is the one we have been waiting for." Through two years, and two failed adoption attempts .
Something special about Owen's story is that our failed match prior to his arrival was with a baby boy who would have been one-half African. We love cultural diversity and were excited about this, even purchasing some African-themed decorations for his room. When that match fell through after the baby was born, we never dreamed God would give us another son with African heritage! But looking back, we can see that He was preparing our hearts in advance for exactly the child He was going to add to our family.
God truly has given us the desires of our hearts.
With each of our adoptions, we have been open to infants or toddlers but God has chosen to give us infants. From my earliest memories I have loved babies, and I believe this is one of the heart desires God has fulfilled for me. After adopting Eva, I longed for another child - especially another daughter, because my sisters are so special to me and I wanted Eva to experience that. Out of the blue, we received the phone call about Isabel! (As it so happens, her birthmother is also one of three sisters like me and appreciates the special sister bond!) Another heart's desire answered. Later, we experienced the joy of parenting a son for one short week before his birthmom had a change of heart ... and after seeing my husband with a little boy (though we continued to be open to either gender), my true heart's desire was for my husband to have a son. And God fulfilled that desire with Owen.
Now we are waiting again ... one year and counting. I believe God still knows my deepest heart's desires and that He can fulfill them in miraculous ways as He has done before. And I just wonder, what feeling will I remember when He finally places our next child in my arms?
I can't wait to find out.