Conversation with Eva about Her Adoption

On the way to the doctor's office yesterday, Eva and I started talking about her birthday. I asked her if she knew what exactly we were celebrating on her birthday (funny, I'd never thought to ask that before!) and she actually didn't. So I explained that on birthdays we celebrate the day a person was born - i.e., since this is her sixth birthday approaching, then six years ago on that specific day she was born.

I have also wondered for some time if Eva has ever personalized the idea of adoption. We do read the stories; we explain that Mommy's tummy was broken and that they were in another woman's tummy; and most recently I have tried to explain to Isabel who her birthmother is.

But Eva's adoption is closed, so conversations like the latter have never come up with her. So in our conversation, I told her that I thank God for giving her to us, and that I also thank Him for her birthparents. I explained that there was a man and a woman, the woman was the one who had Eva in her tummy, and that they loved her but couldn't take care of her when she was born so they chose us to be her forever Mommy and Daddy.

Her first question was, "Are they dead?" I quickly explained, that no, they are not dead but they were young when she was born and they wanted her to have a Mommy and Daddy, and eventually sisters and brothers, and a home, and especially to learn about Jesus - and that they were not able to do that for her as a baby, so they chose us to be her parents.

Next question: "So are they dead now?" (This was starting to get morbid!) No, no, they are not dead but we just don't know where they are ... but God knows and we can pray for them.

Then Eva wanted to know, "Will we see them someday?" And I assured her that when she grows up, if she wants to meet them we will talk to the adoption agency and they will try to help us find them, and we will meet them. I asked her if she would like that, and she said yes. I asked her what she would want to say to them ... she didn't know, but I told her that was okay, when she grows up and is ready to meet them she will know then what she wants to say. And she seemed comfortable with that.

I think it was a good conversation. I want to be sensitive and age-appropriate in sharing information with her. At the same time, by reading and educating myself about adoption and talking to other adoptive parents, I have come to realize that as parents we need to be the ones who initiate natural conversations about adoption. That way, when our children are older and do have questions or concerns of their own, they will hopefully feel comfortable sharing those with us. Hopefully, we are laying the groundwork for honest, open communication when it really matters.

So it may be awkward at first, but we will continue to try and be sensitive to God's gentle leading, in knowing what to say to these precious children He has placed in our care ...